Divorce Advice Quick

6. Do you really want a divorce? pg. 11

the subject or you wouldn’t be reading this book. You may have grounds for divorce under your state’s laws. You may well be fed up with the person you are married to. You may even be in love with someone else. Those are all good reasons for getting a divorce.

But you can’t make a realistic decision without some idea of the consequences, both positive and negative. All those items we have mentioned are reasons for getting a divorce. Before you make up your mind, you had better look at some of the things that weigh against getting a divorce. In many ways these cons are more important than the pros. In fact most of this book is devoted to minimizing the negative factors.

7. In addition to lawyer fees and court costs, what other expenses are incurred in a divorce? pg. 11

Depending on your personal and business situation you can end up paying several times that amount in indirect costs. As a simple example of these costs, consider what can happen with taxes. If you have made arrangements to shield income from taxes through the application of the various tax laws you may find that a divorce leaves you with a tax bill that wipes out your tax savings and costs you additional money in the bargain. If you have made arrangements that are more creative than the tax laws allow they are very likely to come out. Since the Internal Revenue routinely monitors divorce proceedings this can be extremely expensive.

You will also probably find that your personal and business credit rating is impaired by the divorce. You may find it hard to borrow the money you need and you may even find your credit cards cancelled or reduced.

8. Why do most people come out of a divorce with 40% or less of everything owned? pg. 12

Remember there is only so much property and it has to be split between the two of you, with rake offs for the lawyers and Uncle Sam. It is what game theorists call a zero- sum game and since at the very least the lawyers and the IRS will get theirs, you can’t get everything. In almost all the cases where one spouse got “everything” you’ll find that a very large chunk of the estate went for taxes and legal and professional fees. The other spouse may not have gotten anything, but the “winner” would have been better off to split it down the middle with the loser.

Most of the time the person who goes for everything ends up provoking an enormous court fight and still ends up with 40% or less of the estate.

9. Are you prepared to give up living in the style you’ve become accustomed to? pg. 13

This is the bottom line in the economics of divorce. You are going to come out of it with less than you had going in and you are likely to find yourself running frantically to stay in one place. It is not un­common to purchase your freedom at the expense of being locked into a job you hate or a lifetime barely above the poverty level.

Women especially are prone to underestimate the financial burden they put themselves under when they divorce. Since the law in almost all states guarantees them support by their ex-husbands and since that support is based on the style of living to which they have been accustomed, many of them feel it will be pretty much business as usual after the divorce. In point of fact if they are very lucky they will get one-half of their ex-husband’s income – - if they can collect it. If the husband is making $13,000 a year they may get $6,000 a year to try to live on. If they have a job or are capable of working, the judge will take this into consideration and lower the payments accordingly.

10. Why do civilized people turn into screaming, scheming, hate-filled monsters? pg. 14

In one sense a divorce is simply the separation of a legally recog­nized partnership. But the law places special burdens on the divorcing parties that make it extremely difficult for the partners to arrive at an amicable settlement. Most divorcing couples start out with the idea that they are going to be “adult” about the whole business. For many of them the resolution breaks down when they come face to face with the sort of things that are prac­tically required to protect themselves in a divorce.

11. What are the costs and benefits of a divorce? pg. 15

This very neatly sums up the situation you face in considering a divorce. You have to weigh the costs against the benefits and then decide how you want to go.

It is a sad but true fact that a lot of people who honestly weigh the costs and benefits come to the conclusion that they don’t want a divorce no matter how badly they want out of the marriage. For one reason or another they just find it too costly.

12. Do you know how to get the divorce YOU want? pg. 16

Exactly what you want is going to depend on you, of course. You are going to have to make some decisions as to what con­stitutes the best arrangements of circumstances for you. However there are some “structural” things you are going to want from your divorce and those are pretty much constant, whoever gets custody of the family cat.

Get a copy of Divorce Dirty Tricks

http://www.bobmorrisononline.com/books/divorcedirtytricks.html

There are the first 5 questions of 100 questions you need to ask yourself if you are looking to get a divorce.

1.    Is there a true amiable divorce? pg.2

Occasionally you’ll meet someone who says they got an “amiable divorce.” If you’re fortunate you may actually meet someone who did it, but that’s a once-in-a-lifetime thing.
A truly amiable divorce requires that both parties be A) independently wealthy and B) have the dispositions of saints.
What most people mean when they say they got an amiable divorce is that they’re still able to meet their ex at a cocktail party without having a screaming fight.

2.    Are divorce laws aimed in one direction? pg. 3
Our laws and procedures are set up to make divorce just about as unpleasant as it possibly can be. Everything about it is calculated to force the couple to start throwing shit and keep throwing it hot and heavy for years to come. If you don’t hate your spouse when you start to get a divorce you can bet that you will by the time you finish.

The simple fact is that the law doesn’t really want to see you get divorced. The law in this country favors families. We penalize single people heavily at income tax time and dozens of other legal ways. The law says (not implies, says) it is a good thing to be married and a bad thing to get a divorce.

3.    Who has the heaviest burden fall on them in a divorce and why? pg. 5
No one comes through a divorce unscathed, but the burden falls especially heavily on the men. That is because divorce law is the most blatantly sexist part of American law. And it is biased in favor of the woman.
In most states the husband has the legal duty to support his ex-wife and children, but the wife has no such duty toward the husband. A few states have changed the wording in their divorce laws so there is no mention of sex, but it is still almost unheard of for a woman to be ordered to support her husband.

4.    Why does the image of your spouse change in a divorce? pg. 6

The basis of this attitude is that whatever emotional ties you may have had to your spouse are over and done with. You may have loved them or you may have hated them, but it’s over and while you’re getting the divorce you can afford neither attitude.

5.    Why shouldn’t you stir up trouble for trouble’s sake during a divorce? pg.8

There is always the possibility that your spouse is willing to give you everything you want without a fight. Then you should take it and walk away. Stirring up trouble for trouble’s sake is a fool’s game in a divorce. If you don’t have to fight, for heaven’s sake don’t pick one! If you do have to fight remember that to win you have to fight rough and dirty and there are no holds barred.

Get a copy of Divorce Dirty Tricks

http://www.bobmorrisononline.com/books/divorcedirtytricks.html

Divorce is never easy.  Even the most “friendly” divorces are most often filled with anxieties, emotion, and confusion.  There are questions YOU NEED to ask.  There are steps YOU NEED to take.  Most people aren’t aware of all the options open to them, nor are they aware of everything a spouse and his/her lawyer may bring up in a divorce action.

You cannot afford to depend on your lawyer to tell you everything you need to know or to do everything that is necessary in order to get the divorce YOU want.  You MUST know YOUR rights, responsibilities, and options.

I can help take the confusion out of divorce, thus, helping to alleviate much of the anxiety and emotional stress.  I’ve gone through divorce, and I learned the hard way what needs to be done before you even talk about divorce, how to select the right lawyer, what actions need to be taken during and even after the divorce itself, and the legal rights we all have ,even years after the divorce.  I’ve spent countless hours talking to others who have also gone through divorce.  I’ve researched laws, rulings, cases, and more.

I wrote Divorce Dirty Tricks for you.  You don’t have to learn about divorce the hard way like I did.  You don’t have to be surprised in a courtroom.  You don’t have to spend countless days, weeks, and months trying to find answers to questions or to research all your available options.  You don’t have to accept the word of your lawyer and the court blindly.

Divorce Dirty Tricks answers questions you may not be aware you need to be asking.  The answers may completely surprise you in some or most cases.  Divorce Dirty Tricks details areas you may not realize you need to think about.  It leads you through each step you need to take before, during, and even after the divorce.  Divorce Dirty Tricks tells you what options you have available.  Even your lawyer may not tell you these are available to you.

Should you read Divorce Dirty Tricks?  Take a couple of minutes now to go through the following list of questions.  If you cannot answer each completely, you need to read Divorce Dirty Tricks.

Divorce And You

Most people hope for an amiable divorce and even expect to have one.  There are some facts you should be aware of if you’re one of these people.

1. Is there a true amiable divorce? pg. 2

2. Are divorce laws aimed in one direction? pg. 3

3. Who has the heaviest burden fall on them in a divorce and why? pg. 5

4. Why does the image of your spouse change in a divorce? pg. 6

5. Why shouldn’t you stir up trouble for trouble’s sake during a divorce? pg. 8

Thinking About Divorce

Thinking about divorce is not the same thing as planning a divorce.  Before you plan a divorce or even mention it to your spouse, there are issues you must consider.

6. Do you really want a divorce? pg. 11

7. In addition to lawyer fees and court costs, what other expenses are incurred in a divorce? pg. 11

8. Why do most people come out of a divorce with 40% or less of everything owned? pg. 12

9. Are you prepared to give up living in the style you’ve become accustomed to? pg. 13

10. Why do civilized people turn into screaming, scheming, hate-filled monsters? pg. 14

11. What are the costs and benefits of a divorce? pg. 15

12. Do you know how to get the divorce YOU want? pg. 16

13. Is a divorce too costly? pg. 16

14. Why should you get a negotiated divorce? pg. 16

15. How expensive can an unresolved question or issue be during and even AFTER the divorce?

pg.  18

16. Why should you avoid “reasonable” visitation rights in child custody?  pg. 18

17. How much can “self destructive silliness” cost you? pg. 19

18. Why is a priority list essential? pg

19. Do you know how to rank “money” items on a priority list? pg. 20

20. Who should see the priority list? pg

21. Why should a divorce be final at the beginning of a tax year? pg. 24

22. What immediate steps can you take to protect yourself? pg

23. What should you do about financial records, insurance, and even your business? pg. 25

24. Why should you think twice before accepting a raise or promotion before a divorce? pg. 26

25. What personal plans should you put into action before planning a divorce? pg. 26

Lawyers, Accountants, and Doing It Yourself

Once you know you want a divorce, you must decide if you’ll hire a lawyer or obtain a “do-it-yourself” divorce.  You need to shop for a lawyer and know how to select the one right for YOU.  Accountants and appraisers are extremely valuable in a divorce action, and you need to know why.

26. What one decision influences how you come out of your divorce? pg. 29

27. How essential is a good accountant in a divorce? pg. 29

28. Why should you hire an appraiser? pg. 30

29. Should you get a “do-it-yourself” divorce? pg. 30

30. What problems can arise 1, 5, 10, or more years after a divorce is final? pg. 31

31. Do you know the 2 major drawbacks in a one-lawyer divorce? pg. 32

32. Why do you need to know the difference between a “divorce lawyer” and a “family lawyer”?

pg. 34

33. How do you “shop” for the best divorce lawyer for YOU? pg. 35

34. Why should you avoid certain lawyers? pg. 37

35. How do you interview lawyers? pg. 39

36. What 17 questions should you ask before deciding on the best lawyer for you? pg. 43

37. What do hourly, flat, and percentage fees mean to you? pg. 49

38. Do you have to like your lawyer? pg. 52

39. How do you know if your lawyer is cheating you? pg. 56

40. Should you change your lawyer in the middle of a divorce? pg. 59

41. Why is a certified public accountant essential to you? pg. 60

“Ya Gotta Know The Territory”

Grounds, Jurisdictions, And Defenses In Divorce Cases

Divorce laws vary from state to state.  You must understand what this means to you.  There are also legal terms you should know and understand completely.

42. Is annulment, separation, or divorce right for you? pg. 66

43. What is a no-fault divorce? pg. 68

44. How can you defend a divorce suit? pg. 71

45. When should you countersue? pg. 72

46. What are the meanings of collusion, condonation, connivance, and recrimination? pg. 72

47. What are the dangers of cross-filing? pg. 75

48. What are the major uses for defense? pg. 75

49. Do you know the 12 commonly found grounds for divorce in the U.S.? pg. 78

50. Do you have to file for divorce in the state you currently live in? pg. 79

51. What do you have to watch out for in a migratory divorce? pg. 80

52. How do you prove residency intent in another state? pg. 82

53. Are you familiar with California’s $50/no judge divorce revolution? pg. 86

54. If a divorce action is pending against you in one state, can you file for a divorce in another state?             pg. 88

55. Is a threat of migratory divorce advantageous to you? pg.89

The Property Settlement

Property settlements are a major area of disagreement and confusion in divorce.  There are steps you can take – must take – to ensure the settlement is fair to YOU.

56. What is the “right attitude” in a property settlement? pg. 94

57. What is the second worst mistake people make in divorce cases? pg. 96

58. Why do you want to avoid “victimizing” your spouse? pg. 97

59. Do you know how tax laws affect you in a divorce? pg. 98

60. Do you know how to use the “all-at-once” negotiating table? pg. 99

61. Do you know how an appraiser can save you from making a fatal mistake? pg. 100

62. Does “community property” mean an automatic 50/50 split? pg. 102

63. What lists and records to you need and why? pg. 103

64. Should you conceal assets? pg. 107

65. What is a “sources and applications of funds” statement? pg. 109

66. Why is a balance sheet important? pg. 111

67. Is your separate property considered community property? pg. 118

68. Why is August or September a bad month to get a divorce? pg. 119

69. Is alimony strictly confined to money? pg. 119

70. Who takes care of tax filing and property taxes after a divorce? pg. 119

71. How should your life insurance be handled? pg. 120

72. Does the spouse who has custody of the children get the house automatically? pg. 121

73. Do you know the rules you should follow in a property settlement? pg. 123

74. How can you use your spouse’s weak points to your advantage? pg. 124

75. Can you legally “harass” your spouse? pg. 127

76. Should bankruptcy ever be considered after a divorce? pg. 129

77. What is the difference between dischargeable and non-dischargeable debts?  pg. 131

78. Do you understand the differences between property settlement, child support, and alimony?                pg.132

79. What are “Financial Misconduct Laws”? pg. 134

Alimony:  The Wound That Doesn’t Heal

Most people think of alimony only as monthly cash payments that go on forever and ever.  Before you agree to paying or receiving alimony, you need to know more about it.

80. Can alimony be renegotiated after the divorce is final? pg. 138

81. Do you have to pay alimony? pg. 140

82. How can you protect yourself from paying alimony forever? pg. 140

83. Are alimony payments ever lowered? pg. 141

84. What factors affect the court’s ruling on alimony? pg. 142

85. Does a spouse have to ask for alimony in order to have the court order it? pg. 147

86. How important is making sure the “right” judge hears your case? pg. 147

87. If alimony isn’t part of the divorce, can it be requested 1, 2, or more years later? pg. 150

88. How can you use alimony alternatives as leverage tools? pg. 155

89. When should you “fight” over alimony in a divorce case? pg. 158

90. What is temporary alimony, and why do you need to know? pg. 159

91. What is the all important pivotal point in alimony discussions? pg. 164

92. Why is it important to work with an accountant before discussing alimony?  pg. 165

93. Do you know how to horse-trade in a divorce? pg. 175

94. Are there alimony plans you may like? pg. 176

95. Can a divorce be taken to the federal courts? pg. 176

Custody and Child Support

Child custody and support are not as cut and dry as most people may think.  You may not be aware of what you or your spouse can do in order to be awarded custody of your children.  You also need to know how courts determine the amount of child support awarded to the spouse with custody.

96. Do you know the 2 ways you can be granted custody of your children? pg. 186

97. Why are a judge’s prejudices important to you? pg. 188

98. Do you fully understand the differences in split custody, joint custody, and visitation? pg. 189

99. Can you be sure child support payments are being used for the children? pg. 192

100. How is child support negotiated? pg. 193

Custody Tactics:  Legal And Otherwise

Before you give your child or children over to your spouse, you should know what others have done in the same situation.

101. Do you know the 3 ways you can get custody of children after the divorce is finalized? pg. 197

102. Are child custody rules the same in every state? pg. 198

103. What if you want to disappear with your children? pg. 201

Special Situations and Tactics

There are some things your lawyer may not tell you, but I do.

104.  How can an ex parte order affect you?  pg. 203

105.  Why is proving your spouse is married under common law advantageous to you? pg. 206

106.  Is accrual or cash basis best for YOU?  pg.  207

107.  Can you “marry off” your spouse?  pg. 208

108.  How can you get your possessions out of your house if you’re legally locked out?  pg. 209

109.  Should you worry if your spouse threatens to go to the IRS?  pg. 209

110.  If your spouse doesn’t move with you to another state, is he/she abandoning you?  pg. 210

Money Matters After The Fact

The final divorce decree doesn’t end the divorce actions.  There are still things you can do.

111.  How can you convince the court to reduce payments to your ex-spouse after the divorce?

pg. 213

112.  Do you want to vanish completely? pg. 223

Divorce Dirty Tricks is a book of answers you need to know, steps you need to take, plus options you have and may not be aware of.  It is a book for everyone who is silently thinking about divorce, planning a divorce, going through a divorce, or is divorced.